Saturday, November 8, 2014

{Who He is to me}

This morning I was trying to think of what the happiest day in my life have been.  I have had many of these days in my life and had many especially on my mission, but as I thought about it it was easy to remember a specific day that I had on my mission.  It was the day that one of my investigators was baptized.  I knew and know that I served a mission, in Los Angeles, to meet this woman.  She changed my life and I got to be a part of her changing her life as well.  It was a long 8 months before she was baptized due to circumstances, but the day she was baptized was amazing.  I was overwhelmed with a confirmation that everything we had taught her was true, every tear shed in her behalf was worth it, every night riding our bikes up the huge hill was worth it.  She felt the Atonement of Jesus Christ heal her and change her.  Her heart changed every time we were at her house.  I had never planned on a mission but I am eternally grateful that I went and was able to have been changed because of the people I served. 
Some of the other things I thought of were the hard days that I have experienced and what I have learned from them.  When I was in high school it was hard.  Friends, dating, trying to figure out who I was, etc.  I struggled a lot with the death of my oldest brother who had passed away when I was 10.  It hit me like a ton of bricks my junior year.  There were months where I experienced pain and heartache from him loss.  It was like I finally understood fully what had happened and that I wasn't going to see my brother in this life again.  I began to open my scriptures during this period of time.  When I felt down, I prayed.  I had done these things before, but mostly because I was told to and was supposed to.  But, I did them that time because I needed help.  I didn't understand really how much help I would receive from that.  With time and diligence in reading, praying, and attending the temple, my heart felt full again.  I didn't feel so sad and filled with anguish.  I didn't feel angry.  I knew that I would be with my brother again.  In seminary during this time I recall a teacher explaining the Atonement.  He explained that as Christ was in the Garden of Gethsemane He felt our pain.  He felt it and that is how he understands us so well and understands the heartache we go through.  I never understood how Christ could feel my saddness until that moment.  This time ended up shaping me and preparing me to serve a mission.  It ended up giving me so much more than I had ever imagined.

So who is Christ to me?  On my mission I remember I had a transfer that was pretty rough.  I was feeling a bit discouraged about the work, I was in a super wealthy area and not many wanted to listen.  I didn't exactly get along with my companion super well.  I felt alone.  I would pray and wouldn't feel anything.  I was desperate to know that my Heavenly Father was there because I couldn't feel much.  I wanted to know that Christ's Atonement would give me strength.  A short amount of time went by like this.  I kept praying and fasting, I knew that I would get something soon.  I recall having dinner with a less active family and watching this video (Because of Him).  It was such a powerful experience.  I remember sitting there and thinking to myself, what I am feeling right now is so real.  I said to myself that there is no way I could ever doubt the existence of Christ after watching that video and feeling what I felt.  It was a feeling that is hard to explain but I remember it and I know it was real.  I felt that power and strength again that comes from the Atonement.  

He wants us to use It.  He wants His sacrifice to be one of the biggest parts of our life.  He wants us to see and recognize that through Him we can become who we want and achieve our deepest desires.  He wants us to be happy.  We can be happy through Him.  It doesn't come easy but through our efforts and work we can be joyful.  Through reading the scriptures and really desiring to learn about Him, prayer, temple worship, church attendance, and service.  I am going to plan so that I can put these things first in my life.  I think it is important to recognize that we are weak, but through Him we can be the people we have been sent here to do.  I share these experiences because they all come back to the strength and love that Christ gives us.  I hope that all of us can put these things first in our lives.  He loves us with an infinite love and accepts us for who we are.     

You and I in a moment of weakness may cry out 'No one understands. No one knows.' No human being perhaps knows.  But the Son of God perfectly knows and understands, for He felt and bore the burdens before we ever did.  David A. Bednar