Reflections and Good-byes to our Mission President.....

Mommacita! I loved your email today, I am sorry that I only have so much time to email on Mondays!  I am balancing it out lately haha.   We had a lot of meetings this week, saying goodbye to the Mission President, etc.  Investigators are doing well, Timoteo finally came to church for all three hours! The Lopez family didn't... pretty much my spirits were crushed.  All is well and the work is moving. Since I emailed you a few days ago and wasn't quite sure what to talk about today, I figured I would share my feelings of a mission.  I know that a lot of my friends are either on their missions or are leaving soon.  Here I am, almost done with my second transfer, training myself, pretty much lost in Spanish all the time.  So you could say this is pretty hard.  But also, here I am working with these lambs of God that have been waiting for this message.  I may not find them immediately but I know that I will find them over the next 15 months.  There are some days that I wake up and wonder!  But those are the days where Heavenly Father really shows me His tender mercies.  Some days we work so very hard and no one listens and a lot of the time our appointments get cancelled.  But at the end of the day I can' help but be happy.  This is hard - don't get me wrong, but this is the most beautiful thing I think I have and ever will do in my life.  I have such a sacred calling here and I am so thankful that I have this time to learn more about myself and who I want to be as a daughter of God.  For those thinking of a mission, do it.  I know that I will never regret doing this.  Never.  This is my calling for such a short amount of time and I just hope that I am able to do what the Lord wants of me.  I have seen myself grow in ways that I never thought that I could.  I have seen my testimony stretch further than ever.  And I have seen people change because of our Heavenly Father's love.  And I get to be one of those people.

I figured with the things going on this week I would share my feelings about what is near and sacred to my heart.  

My brother and angel - part of my life lessons.....

I have been thinking about this for weeks and now it is finally here.  As you said, this week is 10 years since my brother, Michael's passing.  My heart aches as I have to think about that day almost exactly ten years ago.  When people ask what I remember, I always tell them about the night before.  That we had gone to pick him up in the middle of no where.  That there was something so different about that night.  I remember he and I talking and I will never forget the goodbye that we had.  I remember begging him to come with us to Grandma's house and he was busy.  But what I remember the most is the goodbye.  As I looked at him before he got out of the car, he reached over and kissed me.  I distinctly remember him saying, "I love you, Michelle".  Those words from him are forever engraven on my heart.  There was a feeling of peace and love as we left that night.  I also remember the feeling I had as we sat on Grandma's couch and you had to tell me, your little nine year old, that her brother had passed away.  Of course I don't remember everything perfectly and didn't understand it completely, but I do now. 

It hurts everyday knowing that I am here but my brother is not.  But it is one of the biggest blessings I have experienced.  I would not be who I am today if it weren't for that.  Everything that has happened in my life was meant to make me better and stronger.  I know that he is proud of me and what I am doing.  It was been amazing being here and feeling him with me.  It may not be a huge impression but there is always someone on my side during the good times and during the bad.  I am sad that I will not be there with you to hug you on that special day, but you know that you and Michael are always in my heart.  I know that this is where I am supposed to be and that what I am doing will affect my life forever.  Kris wrote me this week and said, "you will have hard, gut-wrenching days - and you'll have glorious, divine days."  How true!  Some days are so very hard, but those aren't the days that I remember.  Thank you for everything that you do for me, my sweetheart!  I am so incredibly blessed in everything I have.  Please know how much I am thinking about you.  I love you more than anything, my dear!  You are in my prayers, especially this week.... xoxox
Love,
Michelle

Hello Daddy!
I am doing well. I am happy.  My companion is great!  We are seriously the same person; it's good and bad but we have learned how to work together really well.  Someone told me the other week that with companions the best thing you will ever do with them is love them, everyone wants to be loved.  I have really worked on that this week and it has been really good!  I really do love her.  I thought about you so, so much yesterday.  I am so sorry that I forgot to tell you Happy Fathers day last week, I felt so bad.  Someone shared a poem about fathers yesterday in church and I looked pretty crazy when I had tears streaming down my face.  I miss you more than you know!  But this is really good.  You are amazing dad.  Our relationship is what I am especially grateful for.  I am thinking about you so much this week as we hit 10 years with Michael.  You were always an amazing father to him. I know that he watches over you every second of every day and that his love is immaculate for you.  You are in my prayers so much this week.  Thank you for your prayers, I really do feel them daddy.  Thank you for everything you do and have done for me :)
I love you more than words xoxo
Love Hermana Michelle

Good-bye to our Mission President, 
President and Sister Baker, 
from the Downey Zone, California Los Angeles Mission

God be with you til we meet again.
By his counsels' guide uphold you,
With his sheep securely fold you.

God be with you til we meet again.

When life's perils thick confound you,

Put his arms unfailing round you.

God be with you til we meet again.

Keep love's banner floating o'er you,

Smite death's threatening wave before you.

God be with til we meet again

Til we meet, Til we meet

Til we meet again at Jesus' feet

Each life that touches ours for good

Reflects thine own great mercy, Lord.

Thou sendest blessings from above

Thru words and deeds of those who love.

What greater gift dost thou bestow,

What greater goodness can we know

Than Christlike friends who gentle ways

Strengthen our faith, enrich our days.

When such a friend from us departs

We hold forever in our hearts

A sweet and hallowed memory

Bringing us closer, Lord, to thee.

For worthy friends whose lives proclaim

Devotion to the Savior's name,

Who bless our days with peace and love,

We praise thy goodness, Lord, above.